Rhythm pt. 2

Just before the weekend, I was invited to speak to a class of budding accountants. They’re finishing the program, like how I was more than a decade ago. Someone asked: How do you balance motherhood and work? I was shocked at the question, not because I’ve never heard it before, but I didn’t see it coming from this crowd.

I felt like I needed to give a practical answer, not my usual kinda-artsy-I’m-not-sure-yet kind of answer. My mind churned while they stared at me blankly.

Truth is, there are times when I spiral out of control. Whatever I’m working on, it feels like it will all vanish while I look away, while I change a diaper, while I’m at the park with the kids. Sometimes I’m hyper focused on protecting what I have, paranoid that it will all, just, blow away. Maybe in the depths of my lizard brain, I believe that momentum came by chance, goodwill came by luck, and the only glue that can hold it all together is worry. So I worry, diligently.

My mind drew a blank. I panicked a little. And then this stumbled out of me:

“Rhythm,” I told them, “I keep a rhythm. And that means I get to put something down now, knowing that I can pick it back up later, and that’s good enough for me.”

I don’t know where that answer came from. And it was the, “…and that’s good enough for me,” that surprised me the most. It’s also the part that stung the most. Because it came straight from the heart and it was calling me out. It wasn’t a statement, it was a question: Is it all, good enough?